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Always

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Always…

I don’t expect things to remain the same
I don’t anticipate us to always remain
Suspended in this endearing place

If there  is ever a heaviness on my heart
Or an itch of excitement needing to be attended to
I already know you’ll be around

My friend
There’s no doubt I can count on you.
All I ask
All I need and want
Is for you to remain consistent

…. And I promise you

You may kill your doubts
Silence chaos
And just know
That you will never lose me

By Andria Vargas

Reflex Reaction


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 I accidentally smiled at you today
By nature it’s work to look away

From someone I trusted yesterday

I might have forgiven you
I might have forgiven the pain you caused
And put it behind us in the past

Because of who you were in my eyes

I might have forgiven you if you asked
By Andria Vargas



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My reply to "Solitary yet Satisfied"


Current mood: satisfied
Category: Friends
Saturday, July 15, 2006
4501web
Solitary… but satisfied.

You know, I have to be honest. For the past couple months, I really haven’t felt like myself…

For those of you who know me, I don’t know if you have noticed my subtle yet noticeable changes in my attitude, but I certainly do. I mean, I’m sure the people I talk to about the things that I’ve been feeling sure notice it. To those who I just met recently, I just feel sorry to myself they possibly didn’t get to see the real me. And it’s sad because I met so many people these past couple months, and they didn’t have the chance to see what kind of person I truly am. They didn’t get to see the best of me.

In these past couple months, my life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. At first, being a newly single guy, I was enjoying what life had to offer. Going out and meeting new people was what I lived for. Living life as fast as I was going was something that stimulated me. It was what I looked forward to. I even got into the dating scene quite a bit. I had to admit, meeting beautiful women all the time, having dates almost every week, getting numbers, etc… it was fun. I was free again. Nothing was holding me back.

But as a few months passed by, I guess it started hitting me. Don’t hate me for saying this, but dating around actually got old. Not boring, but it wasn’t stimulating as it used to be. It felt repetitive. It felt routine. It felt like I was going in circles. Something that was so stimulating and fun soon turned into a thing of routine. It was a sad way of seeing it, I know. But for the longest time, I just wasn’t stimulated enough. The sad thing is these women I was with all had something special about them, but it was me that was being held back. I couldn’t help it and I’d kick myself in the head for it too.

Unfortunately, this feeling grew into something where I’d just be sick of dating. Since I was "running in circles", I grew frustrated. Even though I was dating around, I found myself to be alone in the end. I always felt that I would meet a beautiful girl, and she’d slip through my fingers. Alone once again. It was frustrating. It was frustrating to the point that I was actually scared of women. Now you must be thinking, "Andrew? Scared of women? Naaaw…" Well, yes at one point I was. Not just because my ex-girlfriend of two years cheated on me when we dated, but because I felt like there was something wrong with me that prevented me from ever getting a second or third date. I was afraid to get hurt again. I was afraid certain girls I dated would play me for a fool. I admit, I am still scared at times to this day, but who isn’t? If you were in my shoes, you might feel the same way too.

At this point, I hated being alone. I also hated the fact that I’d act shy around women because I’m scared to get hurt again. This feeling also started to affect my feelings towards all women, even sometimes my own friends. It almost felt like it was a curse, but in the back of my mind, I always felt like this is something I needed to go through. Yeah, it’s torture, but I always thought this would build my character some way. It just sucked when you looked at the little things of it– the small picture I guess.

My friends and I have been talking about… well, our love lives with other women. Yes, guys do talk about this, haha. We can be sensitive too, right? Well anyways, we talk about our respective issues in our own respective situations in our love lives. It’s just so crazy how many people’s lives parallel each other.

I’ve been talking to my friends about this subject for the past couple weeks now, and I’m starting to come to the realization that I should just chill and wait for the right time to come. Yeah, I finally listen to my own advice months later, but I’m accepting the fact that the best things come to those who wait. I learn more things here and there, with myself and with the help of my friends. I can honestly say that I’m finally accepting my loneliness. Loneliness sounds like such a pitiful word, but as of now, I don’t feel pitiful at all. As a matter of fact, I’m satisfied with my solitude.

Let me tell you. Being alone can be quite enjoyable. If it’s eating dinner at a nice restaurant by yourself, running through Golden Gate Park with just you and nature, or speeding down Interstate 280 along the coast under a starry night alone, it is quite relaxing. It is that moment you have to yourself. That moment where all your troubles are gone. And it is when you’re alone that you seem to appreciate life and everything around you a little more. You start appreciate the little things as well the big picture. You realize that you have nothing to be scared about anymore. You realize that you always don’t need to depend on someone solely for your happiness. It’s all on you to make that happen.

Don’t get me wrong, but I’d love to be with someone right now. Maybe in due time, I’ll eventually no longer be afraid. I could realize it tomorrow, or I could realize it in months. Still, I’m waiting for her to come to me. And then we’ll tango. Good things come to those who wait, right?

You know, if I remember correctly, I believe it was the tortoise that won the race, not the hare…

4412web 


MY REPLY- SUNDAY JANUARY 25, 2009

We are pretty similar. I know you were sad after your break up because you told me. Not because I sensed it. Someone to wallow in unhappiness like you described as the Andrew they didn’t know was so far from me knowing. I feel you’ve given me your best and for that I am truly honored.

You described a fear that I can’t fathom you having and a "sad Andrew" I never had the pleasure to meet
:)

I’ve been there and I know very well what you are describing. It’s on key with some of my own experiences which confirms; beyond what I see that you have infect been there.

YOU are a Champion! A genuine Champion.

My fear rather than the opportunity of a 2nd or 3rd date is finding myself stuck in something stagnate with the only foundation being " politeness" to cover up dissatisfaction. I’ve known many of those all too well. Which brings me to understand time and time again- "Alone Time" is precious. It’s one thing No one can take, enabling ourselves to enjoy who we are in the NOW.
 
It is a liberating opportunity so many of us fail to take FOR fear of being alone only because "ALONE" means sad as universal culture. Alone should be redefined as FREE.

Free to know how beautiful YOU are
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…& not so much what you can offer someone, but what you can offer yourself that No one can take from YOU. That’s when you truly are equipped to offer someone something truly special, when you are able to fall – & don’t laugh- but actually fall in love with yourself as a whole.

When you look in the mirror I hope you see someone strong, full of life and charisma. I hope you see a stunning captivating stud who’s expertise is breaking down walls. I hope you see what  see in you.

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Long Forgotten First Desire

SEGMENTD

Peace of mind you can find
In the desires of your heart longed for

….so long
A vision,
A face,
An unfamiliar place
yet still you feel safe
In a world you chose to make
Here’s a place to designate
To landmark the infamous name
A justified masterpiece
A million and one of the same
Untouchable
Timeless
Dark, so beautiful
Illuminate the shadows incomprehensible
and reveal the distant souls unseen
Your hands do entertain
The mysteries do unfold
A million and one of the same
Stories untold
Enlighten those compelled to enquire
The deepest thoughts
disregarded
Of the long forgotten first desire.

BY ANDREA VARGAS

 VEGASBABY
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